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are we raising a culture afraid to face reality?
According to a study by Associated Press/AOL 43 percent of teens said they use instant messages to communicate things that they find challenging to do in person. Twenty-two percent use IMs to ask people out on dates or to accept them, and 13 percent use them to break up. Overall, nearly half of teens aged 13 to 18 said they use instant messaging. Only about one in five adults said they use them.
One teen in the study, a 19-year-old sophomore from Heath, OH, explained that "fear of rejection" was one reason many teens use instant messages to convey requests or information that might generate a less than ideal response. Among teenagers, about half the girls and more than a third of boys said they have used instant messages for things they wouldn't say in person.
I don't know about you, but I find these statistics -- and the reasons given by teens responding to the study -- deeply disturbing. If teens are now choosing to communicate any bad news or difficult issues by hiding behind a wall of distance, what does that say about their ability to handle the realities that life brings?
Character is built by dealing with the challenges in life. Leadership is developed by facing an unexpected problem and coming through it. Even when we make mistakes, there is no substitute for dealing with these things face-to-face with others. I remember asking girls for dates. They didn't always accept. Those rejections hurt, but they helped strengthen me. I'm sure that the girls found it as awkward to turn me down as I found it to receive that message. At least, I like to think they found it difficult.
There is nothing that makes someone mature more rapidly than having to stare reality in the face -- to look someone in the eyes and tell them that you have to end a relationship, to tell someone that a friend or relative has passed away, or to let someone go from a job. These are deeply challenging moments that bring us together as human beings. We share those emotions, we grow through our mutual understanding of just how difficult they are. I've had to fire people in my role as a business leader, and I can tell you that aside from a doctor telling people they have a terminal illness, or a policeman or soldier explaining the loss of life, it must be one of the most difficult things a person ever has to do. Yet do it we must. I can't even imagine trying to convey that kind of news over an instant messaging system, but this study suggests we are raising a culture that will do exactly that. How do you feel? Would you like to get the news that you've been fired over an E-mail or a brief IM message? Wow.
Once our teens become accustomed to dealing with life's challenges by remote control, where does that take us as a culture? Perhaps this is the root of some of the rage that is felt in society these days: people going "postal" when they are told they are being let go, or that the relationship is over. Is it possible that the growing number of such incidents is the result of people trying to avoid the reality of human interaction? One can't help but wonder if these violent reactions we hear about in the news aren't about to get a lot worse.
