A friend and I were discussing the Spice Girls, an all-girl rock and roll phenomenon that was at the time popular among young girls.

As someone with young daughters, I expressed my conviction that I would not allow my girls to see the movie "Spice World," which chronicles the history of this group. My friend was surprised. "How can you decide what your kids can or cannot see?" she declared with genuine indignity. "That's not fair!"

I asked her if she would allow her young niece to watch anything she wanted. "Sure," she replied. As I gave more and more disturbing examples of what she might allow, she began to get uncomfortable. Eventually she was forced to admit that she would not allow her niece to see "really bad stuff, like pornography." I asked her how she decided that pornography crossed the line. "Well, it would hurt her to see stuff like that," she responded.

"So you draw the line at pornography to protect your niece?" I asked. She agreed. "Then you've set a boundary which you understand crosses the line between mere entertainment and damage to the soul," I pointed out. "I too set a boundary for my kids' protection. It's just a little more structured than yours."

She asked how watching the Spice Girls could hurt my daughters. I explained that the role model they established through their lifestyle was not a healthy one. Many rock stars legitimize activities like smoking, drinking, drug use, casual sex and foul language. These are not healthy lifestyle choices for any age, and I didn't want my young girls exposed to the idolization of such lifestyles before they could understand the full implications of such actions.

My friend thought I was wrong to set such boundaries. She said I was sheltering my kids from the world. So I asked her if she ever took her niece for casual strolls through the sinister back alleys around Hastings and Main. "Of course not!" she replied. I asked why not. In the end, she admitted that she too was sheltering her niece from the things she didn't think would contribute to positive personal development. This does not suggest that there is never a time to show your child how others live. I believe that at some time it is very appropriate to expose your child to the world of the inner city or third world, so that they can develop compassion for others. But it is not appropriate for someone so young that they cannot understand the relevance of what they are seeing.

Young children haven't yet learned the consequences of wrong actions. A baby needs to be kept from the hot stove because the understanding of what heat can do to tender flesh is foreign to the child. We have a responsibility to protect children from physical and emotional dangers they don't yet understand.

next: one standard for all

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Choose Your Culture

Paul Tillich, a liberal theologian, refers to three kinds of cultures.

Heteronomous cultures depend on their moral laws to be directed by a human being, such as an Imam or Pope. This person takes on the role of God in the lives of the people. In such cultures, the "truth" of belief has no meaning. You either believe what is put before you and behave accordingly or face physical persecution, torture, or death.

Theonomous cultures assume that God's moral law and our human beliefs are always in synch. Thus sin is considered only a behavioral issue. Hinduism and Pantheism are good examples of theonomous cultures. Wrong behavior is not related to a spiritual source, but are seen as merely temporary moments of poor judgment.

Autonomous cultures are based on the concept that every individual is self-determining and independent of authority. North American culture is generally autonomous. Even under the rule of a king, the culture can be autonomous. This is the most difficult culture to manage because of the tremendous freedom it provides. When such a culture seeks out and agrees to common behavioral standards, it grows and thrives. When it gives up this standard, it decays into anarchy and gradual destruction.